Mephistopheles Lucifer

There’ve been a lot of evangelicals coming around to our apartment lately.  I think because Abaddon stung one of their number for attacking him.  And since all of my brothers except Belial either work or go to school, I have to put up with them.

They are really starting to piss me off.

After I put up the ‘No Preaching’ sign on the front door, they just started leaving their shit out where we’re guaranteed to step on it.  So I put up another sign reading ‘Evangelical Shit Will Be Sacrificed to the Devil’…and now they’re leaving this scary Jesus stuff on a bulletin board across from the door.

And the bulletin board belongs to the apartment, so I can’t do much of anything about it…they think.

I, however, think that I shall begin my long-planned Operation Desecrate.  Step one, show the scary Jesus stuff to Belial.

He has no eyes, but he has this uncanny ability to see—literally see—with his hands.  And then there are those times when his eye sockets glow with a pure white light.  But that just weirds me out, so I hope that they won’t start glowing after he touches the scary Jesus stuff.

He has to touch things before he can ‘see’ them.  And air doesn’t count.

So I carefully lead him out to the board, reassuring him in the mindspeech by showing him my emotions, and I guide his hand up to one of the many posters.  This particular one has Jesus in agony on the cross above the phrase “Jesus Died for You”.

Belial jerks away with a keening noise, and the whole thing is abruptly blackened, and then changed to a very pretty sunrise.  Then I catch his arm and lead him back inside, where he gets to eat one of those little pints of ice cream.  He is much happier after that.

We repeat the process pretty much daily, until he starts doing it on his own, because he knows I’ll give him ice cream.  And then he makes the connection between changing the posters and ice cream…and he starts to change more of them when he wakes up in the morning.

Once he gets there, I just train him that I’ll only give him ice cream for the scary Jesus ones.  Anything else I have him change back.  And so he begins to only change the scary Jesus stuff.

Then he goes outside immediately upon waking up, and I listen at the door as the guy who’s leaving all the stuff tries to stop Belial from changing his posters.

“Hey, who are—what are you doing?  Hey!  Stop that!  You—you’re—how…you little bastard!  I’m going to—!”

I walk out at that moment to find him about to strangle Belial.  After reassuring him mentally, and turning him loose to change more scary Jesus posters, I firmly escort the guy down the stairs, telling him in short words that he will understand.

“It may be your right to post things on an apartment bulletin board, but it’s our right to post things over them if we don’t want to look at them…or, as in this case, change them to something we do want to look at.  Doing so is not a form of desecration.”